Hard Pill to Swallow!

Last week, was a hard pill for me to swallow, after finally close to 5 months going through hell finding out the person that I believe intentionally gave this disease to me. When I found out, it was right at the time when I was writing this blog early in the morning in between while being on the app. It literally felt like I got the wind knocked right out of me, during the days when I used to play basketball in the backyard or at the gym when playing defense. Plus working this different shift from 2:30 to 11:00 pm threw off my daily routine completely causing me not to write my blog. To my readers, I'll try to post everyday, if not every other day, or at least twice a week. My schedule has became real demanding.

With the situation with the guy on the app, I became overwhelmed and really depressed because I remember when he first hit me up on the app. I remembered vividly, several months ago, he hit me up on the app. Most of the guys on the app usually hit me up first, just like I'm shy to start a conversation on the app, I'm the same way face to face in person. It's rare or hard for me to approach people and start a conversation.

It was like my third eye I was telling me something, but I just couldn't quite fathom what it was. I ignored him a few times on the app before actually seeing him and he had the nerve to tell me then, don't act like you can't speak or something smart he said. And I said it in a way like how I would say to his face ARE YOU TALKING TO ME??? Insinuating that you can't be possibly talking to me like that! And I believe he changed the subject, and that's when I finally went over to meet him at his place. What's baffling to me, is that we had a small conversation and got to know each other at least a little bit before hooking up. He was being extra nice,he asked if I wanted some juice and I followed him to the kitchen to make sure he didn't put anything in my drink. We even chilled and watched Netflix a little bit in the room. He would always fall asleep first and I fall asleep last almost spending the night there, but I always got up and went home.

What I'm gathering from all of this, all of that damn harassing to catch something like this you got to be FUCKING KIDDING ME! I don't even want to kill him I want to torture that MUTHAFUCKA DEAD ASS! POUR ACID ON HIS DICK and BURN IT OFF!! Who's to say he probably didn't give this to anyone else!?!? To all my readers, if a guy consistently hits you up and try to get with you in person whether it's on a app or face to face we need to start questioning. What makes me so special from the other rest whether man or women? because I'm starting to believe if someone consistently hits you up and somewhat harasses you it's a hidden ulterior? Like I said in my previous post if you were to see my pictures I look so PURE and innocent. Even after, I stopped talking to him he still was bothering me!

If I had asked him that question on why he was so persistent to contact me?and what differentiate me from the other rest of the guys I could give him many valid reasons. First, I can go long periods without having SEX did it for six years while in HIGH SCHOOL and COLLEGE (WHICH THAT'S A TIME WHEN MOST GUYS ARE) and damn sure not PRESSED about it NOW! I am WELL HYDRATED FAR from THIRSTY!! Truth be told, I just like the attention from guys and to Just CUDDLE. Second, the majority of the guys off of the app go Clubbing and Do WORLDLY things. I'm a true homebody. I only went to the CLUB two times out of my Whole life! A straight and gay club for the first time EVER!! Another separation from most guys!! Third, I'm loyal and I was told that several times by people. I don't just talk about it I be about it. If I say I'm going to do something I just do it. Whether if It's doing something for myself or other people....

On the other hand, many people on that app sometimes lie by saying NO SEX, but how can you say NO SEX if you're stating your sexual position, or posing with your shirt off or have your ASS hanging out! It's contradicting... but then you do have some people on the app like myself that genuinely want to connect and build a friendship by meeting with people. I have met some cool people off of the app without hooking up.

When I did have my profile picture on the app, I always let my status be known on my profile that I was HIV NEGATIVE and had no STD'S. The guy that gave this spell of disease to me knew that! Now, on his profile from last week, he even tried to disguise himself by changing up his hairstyle by having some fake ass deadlock extension, but good thing I remember faces. A few days ago, I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown/meltdown like 2015. I can feel the nerves in my head pulsating because of the stress and my eating. This whole week, I felt like Monique in that movie Phat GIRLZ when she couldn't lose weight and became depressed and she just tore up everything in her room!


I feel like I maybe lacking some Iron again like I did in 2015 that was causing me to feel bad. I think because I relapsed by eating sweets, which Dr. Sebi said is detrimental to the brain. I decide a few days after I got off work to go to Walgreens to pick up a VICKS thermometer just to monitor my vital signs. (body temperature)

I remember I had a high fever upon contracting this disease and to keep myself at ease in the meanwhile, I want to monitor my temperature. Being that I'm not on any HIV Medication Right NOW... until these People GIVE me my Lab RESULTS GEESH!! so far my average read has been around 98.8 degrees Fahrenheit. I like this one because it has Professional Accuracy that are used in Doctor's office and it gives a insight with the color green meaning (OK), Yellow meaning (Mild) and Read meaning (high) fever. For a Couple months now, I've been saving working overtime staying home as usual not going anywhere to save up to see If I need to buy another ALL INCLUSIVE PACKAGE. I'm trying to wait it out, but they are taking too damn long.  I called the regular Primary Doctor that I went to for the warts on Thursday and they said the results for the STD Panel weren't finished yet they said they were going to call, but I hope it's good news although I never told them about my status. NOW, the second specialist on the other hand should have already have my results with my CD4 and VIRAL Load it's been going on three weeks are they trying to wait six weeks? That is the time frame I'm supposed to go back.

How slow these people are moving it'll be time for me to go back to my First Specialist in February this was the purpose of me doing all of this so I can get a reading/monitoring since he told me to come back in three months. Last time I went to the first specialist was NOVEMBER 8th before starting Second All Inclusive package which was the last time I found out my labs. Am I Cured or Not? I would take those at Home HIV Kits from the Pharmacy, but it would be devastating to me finding out that way if I'm still positive!

LAB RESULTS:

Specialist#1

SEPTEMBER 2016
VIRAL Load: 95,000           (Dr. SEBI $375 THERAPEUTIC PACKAGE)
CD4 COUNT: 392

OCTOBER 2016

Dr. Prescibed MEDICINE Went over SEPTEMBER LAB RESULTS  (Dr. SEBI $1500

THERAPEUTIC PACKAGE/HIV MEDS) (For only ONE MONTH)

NOVEMBER 2016 (Dr. SEBI SECOND $1500 THERAPEUTIC PACKAGE ALONE/WITHOUT MEDS after that current lab result at the bottom)

VIRAL Load: 40
CD4 COUNT: 525


DECEMBER 2016

Specialist#2
VIRAL Load: ???????
CD4 COUNT:???????

REGULAR PRIMARY DOCTOR:
STD PANEL:???????