"I'm Feeling Myself"

"IM FEELING MYSELF, FEELING MYSELF!" I tried to download the actual video, but they want you to purchase and download. I'm assuming for copyright purposes, nonetheless I upload the Karaoke instrumental instead the beat is so catchy!!

Today was one of those days, where I definitely was feeling myself. One thing about having this disease, sometimes my mood is ALL THE WAY UP! And then, other days it's ALL THE WAY DOWN! On yesterday, I went to the barbershop to get a haircut. I usually go to the Dominicans to get my haircut, but because of the terrible weather we had on Friday, I think that they decided to close. The other barbershop not too far from my house, they usually do a great job too. He definitely did a great job I didn't know what race he was, but he was a foreigner.

I asked him to give me a nice fade, cut off my facial hair, line up my mustache, and line up my eyebrows. HE DID THAT!! He also, but some kind of facial scrub on my face and used a warm cloth to wipe it off. I never had that done inside of a barbershop before. The cost was $15, however, I gave him a $5 tip for giving me the hookup. My haircut look similar to this except without the facial hair isn't he sooo handsome LOL I feel like a whole new person when I always get a haircut.

My attire, I wore this African/Jamaican looking inspired jogging pants that I ordered from oversees. I really liked the designs and the way it fits on me and it wasn't expensive at all. 

I also ordered this necklace, a few months ago at this African shop. I can't tell you how many times so many people complimented me on my necklace. I REALLY LOVE IT! It's different just the way I like it...

I take a look at myself in the mirror a lot of times and wonder Phinest25 how in the hell did you allow this to happen? I had to have had low self-esteem or was yearning for attention to fill some kind of void. When I look back at some of my old posts on the app on yesterday, I saw where I was saying in some of my messages back in February and March of last year not doing anything unprotected or raw... Where did things go left around APRIL, MAY and so on?

I'm 25 about to be 26 in a few months and I don't look old or anything at all. I still have pretty much a young baby face compared to other people my age and a full head of hair no receding hairline or Alopecia. Most guys I see start getting bald mid to late 20's and early 30's. I'm just thankful that when my initial viral load was 95,000,I didn't look sickly or anything, For people to start asking tons of questions. I also went to the laundry mat today to wash a lot of my clothes. It was so cold outside and that can be a whole job itself especially if you don't have a washer or dryer in your own home.

As of right now, Until further notice, I must keep pushing. I Shall keep pushing!

Hard Pill to Swallow!

Last week, was a hard pill for me to swallow, after finally close to 5 months going through hell finding out the person that I believe intentionally gave this disease to me. When I found out, it was right at the time when I was writing this blog early in the morning in between while being on the app. It literally felt like I got the wind knocked right out of me, during the days when I used to play basketball in the backyard or at the gym when playing defense. Plus working this different shift from 2:30 to 11:00 pm threw off my daily routine completely causing me not to write my blog. To my readers, I'll try to post everyday, if not every other day, or at least twice a week. My schedule has became real demanding.

With the situation with the guy on the app, I became overwhelmed and really depressed because I remember when he first hit me up on the app. I remembered vividly, several months ago, he hit me up on the app. Most of the guys on the app usually hit me up first, just like I'm shy to start a conversation on the app, I'm the same way face to face in person. It's rare or hard for me to approach people and start a conversation.

It was like my third eye I was telling me something, but I just couldn't quite fathom what it was. I ignored him a few times on the app before actually seeing him and he had the nerve to tell me then, don't act like you can't speak or something smart he said. And I said it in a way like how I would say to his face ARE YOU TALKING TO ME??? Insinuating that you can't be possibly talking to me like that! And I believe he changed the subject, and that's when I finally went over to meet him at his place. What's baffling to me, is that we had a small conversation and got to know each other at least a little bit before hooking up. He was being extra nice,he asked if I wanted some juice and I followed him to the kitchen to make sure he didn't put anything in my drink. We even chilled and watched Netflix a little bit in the room. He would always fall asleep first and I fall asleep last almost spending the night there, but I always got up and went home.

What I'm gathering from all of this, all of that damn harassing to catch something like this you got to be FUCKING KIDDING ME! I don't even want to kill him I want to torture that MUTHAFUCKA DEAD ASS! POUR ACID ON HIS DICK and BURN IT OFF!! Who's to say he probably didn't give this to anyone else!?!? To all my readers, if a guy consistently hits you up and try to get with you in person whether it's on a app or face to face we need to start questioning. What makes me so special from the other rest whether man or women? because I'm starting to believe if someone consistently hits you up and somewhat harasses you it's a hidden ulterior? Like I said in my previous post if you were to see my pictures I look so PURE and innocent. Even after, I stopped talking to him he still was bothering me!

If I had asked him that question on why he was so persistent to contact me?and what differentiate me from the other rest of the guys I could give him many valid reasons. First, I can go long periods without having SEX did it for six years while in HIGH SCHOOL and COLLEGE (WHICH THAT'S A TIME WHEN MOST GUYS ARE) and damn sure not PRESSED about it NOW! I am WELL HYDRATED FAR from THIRSTY!! Truth be told, I just like the attention from guys and to Just CUDDLE. Second, the majority of the guys off of the app go Clubbing and Do WORLDLY things. I'm a true homebody. I only went to the CLUB two times out of my Whole life! A straight and gay club for the first time EVER!! Another separation from most guys!! Third, I'm loyal and I was told that several times by people. I don't just talk about it I be about it. If I say I'm going to do something I just do it. Whether if It's doing something for myself or other people....

On the other hand, many people on that app sometimes lie by saying NO SEX, but how can you say NO SEX if you're stating your sexual position, or posing with your shirt off or have your ASS hanging out! It's contradicting... but then you do have some people on the app like myself that genuinely want to connect and build a friendship by meeting with people. I have met some cool people off of the app without hooking up.

When I did have my profile picture on the app, I always let my status be known on my profile that I was HIV NEGATIVE and had no STD'S. The guy that gave this spell of disease to me knew that! Now, on his profile from last week, he even tried to disguise himself by changing up his hairstyle by having some fake ass deadlock extension, but good thing I remember faces. A few days ago, I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown/meltdown like 2015. I can feel the nerves in my head pulsating because of the stress and my eating. This whole week, I felt like Monique in that movie Phat GIRLZ when she couldn't lose weight and became depressed and she just tore up everything in her room!


I feel like I maybe lacking some Iron again like I did in 2015 that was causing me to feel bad. I think because I relapsed by eating sweets, which Dr. Sebi said is detrimental to the brain. I decide a few days after I got off work to go to Walgreens to pick up a VICKS thermometer just to monitor my vital signs. (body temperature)

I remember I had a high fever upon contracting this disease and to keep myself at ease in the meanwhile, I want to monitor my temperature. Being that I'm not on any HIV Medication Right NOW... until these People GIVE me my Lab RESULTS GEESH!! so far my average read has been around 98.8 degrees Fahrenheit. I like this one because it has Professional Accuracy that are used in Doctor's office and it gives a insight with the color green meaning (OK), Yellow meaning (Mild) and Read meaning (high) fever. For a Couple months now, I've been saving working overtime staying home as usual not going anywhere to save up to see If I need to buy another ALL INCLUSIVE PACKAGE. I'm trying to wait it out, but they are taking too damn long.  I called the regular Primary Doctor that I went to for the warts on Thursday and they said the results for the STD Panel weren't finished yet they said they were going to call, but I hope it's good news although I never told them about my status. NOW, the second specialist on the other hand should have already have my results with my CD4 and VIRAL Load it's been going on three weeks are they trying to wait six weeks? That is the time frame I'm supposed to go back.

How slow these people are moving it'll be time for me to go back to my First Specialist in February this was the purpose of me doing all of this so I can get a reading/monitoring since he told me to come back in three months. Last time I went to the first specialist was NOVEMBER 8th before starting Second All Inclusive package which was the last time I found out my labs. Am I Cured or Not? I would take those at Home HIV Kits from the Pharmacy, but it would be devastating to me finding out that way if I'm still positive!

LAB RESULTS:

Specialist#1

SEPTEMBER 2016
VIRAL Load: 95,000           (Dr. SEBI $375 THERAPEUTIC PACKAGE)
CD4 COUNT: 392

OCTOBER 2016

Dr. Prescibed MEDICINE Went over SEPTEMBER LAB RESULTS  (Dr. SEBI $1500

THERAPEUTIC PACKAGE/HIV MEDS) (For only ONE MONTH)

NOVEMBER 2016 (Dr. SEBI SECOND $1500 THERAPEUTIC PACKAGE ALONE/WITHOUT MEDS after that current lab result at the bottom)

VIRAL Load: 40
CD4 COUNT: 525


DECEMBER 2016

Specialist#2
VIRAL Load: ???????
CD4 COUNT:???????

REGULAR PRIMARY DOCTOR:
STD PANEL:???????

(Recap) Been LIED to and DECEIVED!

This week has been completely haywire dealing with my coworkers and life in general. Earlier this week, I decided to go to a different primary doctor this past Tuesday to go get regular blood work and urine culture done for STD's and etc because for a few months, I've been noticing some genital warts around the anal area. I'm guessing that ever since I started Dr. Sebi's cleaning Treatment everything seems to be coming to the surface. The doctor and her assistant there examined me. She was real cool and down to earth however, I was so embarrassed when I had to pull down my pants. You Guys I wanted to scream!!! Never again, will I have unprotected sex, if not at all.. This can not be life.. She prescribed me with Podofilox.....

 I should receive my lab results sometime next week, that would let me know if I'm still positive or negative for HIV. That same day I wanted to swing on some of my coworkers because they are backstabbers and phony as hell. So, upon clocking out that day before going to the Primary doctor, the coworker that I got into it with about nutrition came and told me that quote on quote the White Folks were talking about my hygiene. He used the word B.O. (Body Odor) I was completely baffled because I know I take showers every day so I didn't know what he was talking about. I said you know what I'll just go to the supervisor to get some clarification of this.

I walked into her office and said to her I'm going to keep it real with you. I was told that the white folks were complaining about me having a body odor. She said so nonchalantly, noo they meant your breath. She said there were a few that mentioned to me last week about your breath and I said you never bother to come mentioned to me about the situation? She said nonchalantly again, I didn't think it was a big deal we all have bad breath every now and then. And she started to chuckle and had this smirk on her face. I told her with the most serious expression on my Face it's not funny and it's not a laughing matter. I wanted to get real niggerish and tell her some more things, but instead I walked out. She tried to kiss my ass and said she wasn't laughing at me, but I just kept walking. The next day I heard through the grapevine that pretty much everyone within the General Lab department including the guy that pulled me over to the side was talking about me. I said to myself he is a bitch and a half for that.

It wasn't the fact that I wasn't brushing my teeth, I brush my tongue gums and everything before I leave in the mornings. I think that when I would drink Dr. Sebi Bromide Plus in my smoothies it would give my breath a certain smell. For my readers that have been taking his bitter tonics know what I'm talking about. So now, I just bring a small bottle of Listerine and put it in my bag when I come to work. It does hurt though to have coworkers conversing with you and then behind closed doors talk SHIT about you! They are so CADDY it's not even funny!

Meanwhile, a couple of days ago, I received a call from the second specialist that I had my CD4 and Viral load checked almost a couple of weeks ago. She called and told me that I need to come into the office whenever I get the chance. I asked her what happened. She said part of my lab results it showed that for Chlamydia it came back as indeterminate. I really didn't know what that really meant so I did some research. That meant that it's neither positive nor negative, but they treat it as if it's positive. So immediately, during my lunch break, I told her I'll swing on by after work. When I got there, She said she wants to give me this Antibiotic called Azithromycin. And submit another Urine sample to test again it is two pink pills that are 500 mg each which makes it 1000 mg with just that one treatment to cure that STD. Upon taking that medicine, my body was acting weird. I became hungry within 3 min after taking it. Then, about 10 min later, I started to feel nauseated like I wanted to vomit. I was like WTH! I had to go get me something to eat before I got sick. It helped a lot with the cramping and nauseated feeling, but of course afterwards I had a bowel movement.

I am confused and appalled at the same time because the whole time since I found out that I had this disease, my initial primary care doctor as well as my first specialist didn't detect that I could possibly have other STD's. I asked my second specialist, but how could I possibly have Chlamydia? I haven't been sexually active in several months. But then, I held my tongue because I didn't tell her that I got tested at other sites because she would have known I lied about my past history on the new patient form. But those are questions that needs answers....I am going to put this one to the test. I went to a different Primary doctor on Tuesday for the warts situation before this second specialist appointment sooooo therefore, it should say the same thing at the Primary doctor site as well not unless it was a false positive for Chlamydia when they let me know my blood work lab results next week although, I've already received treatment from the second specialist. The second specialist said my CD4 and Viral Load results are not ready yet because of the Christmas Holidays which caused the delay. But how is it that some of my results like the Chlamydia STD test were ready, but not the HIV test???

I'm wondering if it was the HIV test instead that was INDETERMINATE??????? Which is causing them to double check the results for further testing causing the delays. I'm not sure, that's why I'm glad I have a couple of Primary doctors on the side for second opinions. She said she should have the results on this coming Tuesday and she's going to call me. According on what's said I am going to place an order on one of Dr. Sebi's package next week. I've been relying on just the Bio Ferro Tonic for about a week now.

This morning when I got up, I went on the app to really search for the person that gave this SPELL of a disease to ME. LO and Behold, I found the guy.. How I knew it was the guy because I remember his face and on his profile it says positive this TIME, I was appalled!!!! I took several snap shots off of my phone......

He was the only one on the app that I had two or three sexual encounters consistently once every week back earlier this year. I started feeling sick around May. The last time I had a negative test was between March and the end of April that doesn't mean I didn't have it then. It takes time for the Antibodies of HIV to get in your system... So I asked some questions

Then, he text and said WHO IS THIS? which my profile as you can see has a blank profile picture. I said I was the guy that came by such and such place and when did you found out and Why didn't you say anything. It pissed me off because he lied and deceived me he said he was positive since January.... So not only he knew he was positive and had unprotected sex with me without a condom without telling me, but he didn't even bother to take the prescription meds to decrease the chances of me getting it!!! I want to FIGHT and do some serious damage to him so BAD!!!

I said we chat on two apps including Jack'd and Plenty of Fish which I deleted Plenty of Fish a long time ago and you never disclosed your status in either one about you being Undetectable or Positive. He kept apologizing, but he deceived and lied!!! Now, you want to have POSITIVE on your profile. The way I feel right now, I really want to kill this BITCH ASS NIGGA!! My intution told me to stop talking to him which I did because something just didn't sit right with me but apparently, it was TOO late!!!

To All my readers, I wanted to give a little proof from this morning... Please don't fall victim to these traps not just using apps but people in general when it comes to SEX because Apologizing may give a sense of peace mentally, but it still doesn't justify that you have to spend so much money and go through this SHIT.....